Happiness: A Personal Choice

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” John Lennon. I remember reading this quote a few years ago and it really changed my perspective on the idea of happiness.

Happiness is one of those complicated concepts in life that we seldom understand. There are so many theories, explanations and formulas to explain happiness. What is happiness? How is it achieved?

Generally, we treat happiness as a feeling, as an outcome of events. If things happen the way we want them to, we will be happy. If we get what we want, we will be happy. If the circumstances are right, we will be happy. In some way, shape or form our happiness is reliant on something; be it person or circumstances. Our happiness is conditional to external factors. Maybe this is why so many of us go through life unhappy and unsatisfied

From a young age, we are taught the importance of achieving, of succeeding and aiming high but we are never really taught what will be the end result of all of these? What will we get out of it? Will it make us happy?

It’s quite astonishing for me to realize now that many times, happiness is really not part of the equation for any decisions we make in life. Whatever we do or pursue in our life, has an end goal of success, higher social status, wealth and the rest. You rarely hear someone saying you should do this because it will make you happy or this decision that you made does it make you happy?

It is because sometimes we live an uninformed life, unaware of our own actions. Do we know what it is that we really want?

Many of us live for material gains, measured and dependent on external factors. We fail to realize that happiness in fact, is an internal thing, it’s a personal thing.

To be happy is to know one self really well, to know the core of your existence, the purpose of your life. To be connected to your surroundings, to be present in the moment with all your heart and your soul. It is to know your soul and give it what it wants. Many people go through life, just existing but not really living. The two are not the same. To live; is to consciously be aware of everything you do, to make your own decisions based on your own choices and preferences and be satisfied with those decisions. Maybe the first step to happiness starts with asking your self the right questions. To ask yourself what is it that you want to be rather than what it is you want to gain?

What is it that you feel? Rather than what is it that others feel about you.

What is it that you want from life? Rather than what is it that others want you to do?

What is the right thing to do according to your beliefs? Rather than what is the common thing to do.

In order to feel satisfied with one self, the first step is to take ownership of your life. This means that you claim responsibility for all of your actions, the ones you’re proud of and the ones that you are not proud of. To acknowledge your achievements and your mistakes. This will allow you to feel that you made your decisions. Mistakes were made, yes, but at least those were your mistakes and you committed them.

I believe that as an internal process, happiness can be challenging and it can change with time and that is normal. It is a conscious decision that you make as an individual. It is the acceptance of the fact that things may not always work your way, but you will make the most out of what you have anyways. That if one thing fails there is always another chance, new hope. As long as you’re alive; there will always be hope.

The feeling of satisfaction that brings happiness is knowing that you have done the right thing; you have done what you wanted to do in the best way possible. It doesn’t have to be an undefined feeling. It can be defined differently by everyone according to their own life preferences.

Maybe in order to know what makes us happy we first need to ask ourselves: What doesn’t make me happy? Only when you realize you have been unhappy that you will want to be happy. The first step is to acknowledge how you feel and the have the courage to change what you don’t like.

Happiness is not a mood, it’s not just a feeling of excitement, it’s not wealth or having everything you want. It is not a final destination that you reach if you meet all criteria and cross all paths. It is a journey.

Happiness comes through meaningful life, meaningful relationships and work life. It comes through having a bigger purpose in life that fulfils your soul and allows you to be true to yourself. The purpose you add to your life can be subjective. It is your own purpose.

Happiness is in gratitude. It is a feeling of peace with your life on a daily basis. If something is not going the way you want then change. So happiness is not something set in the stone, it can be achieved, if you’re not feeling happy or the way things are then make an effort to change.

If it’s a job you don’t feel happy with, then change your job, or try to change your perspective of how things are at work. If you are unhappy with a certain friendship/relationship then do something about it, face the problem, talk about it, change it but don’t just stay there. If it’s a dream that you want to pursue, then get up and work for it, struggle, try, fall, and get up again until you achieve what you want.

If you’re unhappy with anything about yourself, then accept it, deal with it and change it. My point is do something about it, in a way that will make you satisfied, that will make you feel at peace. That is your process of happiness.